Grammar Nerd Jokes

You have probably heard these jokes before, but most of them will still bring a smile to a grammar nerd’s face.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/smart-living/20-clever-jokes-only-grammar-nerds-will-appreciate/ss-BByur6g?li=BBnb7Kz

Helen

Stop was verbing

Care needs to be taken by an author using the present continuous tense (-ing verbs).
For a start, using several together frequently results in an impossible action.

John was admiring the cute frog and eating an ice cream. The frog was singing to him and he was singing back to it.

Hang on a minute. John might be able to admire the frog, eat an ice cream and listen to it sing all at once, but how does he sing back to it? Does he stop eating his ice cream first? And can he really concentrate on admiring, eating and singing all at once without losing his train of thought, or spilling his ice cream? How can he sing without choking on his ice cream?

See what has happened here? The reader is pulled right out of the story, waiting for John to choke, or trying to see if they can do all those things at once. It’s much better for the author to use the past tense here.

Writing in the past tense also avoids all the “was” verbs in the sentence. They just clutter it up making the action less fresh and immediate.

“John admired the cute frog and ate an ice cream” is a much punchier sentence than “John was admiring the cute frog and eating an ice cream”. So my advice is to ditch the present continuous tense and aim to stick with the past tense for narrative.

Helen Woodall
helen.woodall@gmail.com

Helen is available to line edit and/ or content edit fiction and non-fiction. Rates on application.

Explaining the subjunctive

The subjunctive is one of the most difficult concepts to understand in grammar. In fact, it’s so complicated, that many publications ignore it. If the writer understands and uses the tense, or the editor is on top of her game and corrects it properly, that’s good. If it’s wrong well, too bad so sad.

However, to be professional, it’d be good to try to grasp the concept.

F.L. Bicknell, in The Grammar Police said, “Was and were, however, often suffer PMS. They have moods just like people do.”

The subjunctive mood is the verb form used to express a wish, a suggestion, a command, or a condition that is contrary to fact.
For example, “I was the proud owner of two hundred frogs.” This is a true past statement.
“If I were the owner of two hundred frogs I’d be really happy.” I don’t own them, but I’d like to, so subjunctive.

Because the subjunctive is about something that is not currently true, a hint that *was* ought to be *were*, is often *if*… followed by could or would.
“If I were rich I could buy two hundred frogs.”

Remember, the subjunctive tense applies only to something that isn’t currently true.


Helen Woodall
helen.woodall@gmail.com

Helen is available to line edit and/ or content edit fiction and non-fiction. Rates on application.

The passive voice - by zombies

I’ve written about the passive voice before. Here’s a recap for you:

A writer is said to be using passive voice when the subject of the sentence is who it happens to, rather than who dun it. Very occasionally this may be a good way to build up tension in the story, but as a general rule, it slows the story down and lifts the reader out of the action. Therefore it’s best to avoid using it.

The door was opened by the hero as he entered the room.
Seriously, that’s a pretty boring sentence. It’s passive.
The hero opened the door and entered the room.
That’s better.

Better still would be actions showing us how the hero entered the room. Most people open the door first. Did he kick it down? Slam it open? Peek around the corner first to see if the heroine was inside? Any of those would not only be active voice, but much more interesting to read.
Also they show us what happens instead of telling us, which is what the author should be aiming for.

The hero opened the door. He was angry.
Yes, so what.
The hero kicked the door open and raced into the room, fists clenched.
Ah, now we’re with him, wanting to read on.

And now, here’s a neat trick to find out if you’re using the passive voice or not. Rebecca Johnson (no, I don’t know who she is, but she’s amazing!) tweeted that if you can add “by zombies” after the verb, it’s passive voice.

The door was opened… by zombies. Passive voice.
The hero kicked the door open by zombies. No, by zombies doesn’t work, so it’s active.
Thank you, Rebecca!

Helen Woodall
helen.woodall@gmail.com
Helen is available to line edit and/ or content edit fiction and non-fiction. Rates on application.