When insults had class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language became boiled down to 4-letter words.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow.

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas.

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain.

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde.

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop.

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright.

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -Irvin S. Cobb.

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel Johnson.

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating.

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand.

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker.

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain.

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West.

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde.

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912).

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder.

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." – Groucho


From The Nutters Cub, New Zealand.